Having a Holy Lent: Reboot

I have failed at Lent again.
I am failing.
I am/not a failure.
Starting over.
What will make me whole, holier?
That is what I shall do.
Having a holy Lent.
Starting over.

More on the Jihad of Lent

I have previously blogged on the Jihad of Lent.
Today's struggle was occasioned by leaving the cocoon of my retreat space. As soon as I hit the city streets I thought of all the things I could eat! I didn't. Nor did I buy the piece of jewelry. I did pick up a few extra provisions that were permissible if I eat them appropriately - not all at once and having eaten what I was supposed to beforehand.
I am puzzled why being indoors here doesn't push me to mindless eating as it does at home. I am still surrounded by easy and less healthy choices. (And the last time I was here I certainly availed myself of them.)
Something is different now. Perhaps my intentionality, prayer and study are having a cumulative effect on my ability to practice self-denial. That would be nice.

The Jihad of Lent

I've forgotten how to fast, or at least that's how it feels in the jihad - holy struggle - that is my Lent.
My previous practices of self-denial have become so habitual that  they no longer seem worthy.
My new attempts are fledgling, flailing struggling, halting.

Have a holy lent.

Prayer. Check. More prayer. For a while.
Fasting. Trying. Successful. For now.
Introspection. Moments of clarity. In between and in-and-around the business of life.
Study. Yes. More. New. Different. Will it last?

Have a holy lent.

The big announcement - even if only to myself - this year I will do this, every day, every week, every month, for the whole season seems destined to failure.
Can one fail at Lent? Can one be too legalistic? Can one make an idol out of Lent?
Or are those excuses of a flesh that does not want to be denied.

Have a holy lent.