Rolling and Sealing the Scroll

It is Yom Kippur, 10 Tishri 5773. It is the end of the Days of Awe, the High Holy Days that begin the Jewish New Year. An end and a beginning circle each other like vellum leaves sewn into a rolled scroll. And on this holy day of days this blog comes to an end.
Last night at Kol Nidrei services the Rabbi told the story of an illiterate man who only knew ten of the twenty-two Hebrew letters who was extolled in midrash for his prayers. When asked his secret he said that he prayed:
Master of the Universe take these ten letters and combine them in to the prayers that please you best.
And he repeated his ten letters over and over again.
I pray that God will take the words that I have offered on this blog use them in better ways than they have been written.
And now on to a new scroll...

This Is My Prayer

This is my prayer...

to look with wonder at the ocean filling the horizon

to see the waves crashing on the rocks

to watch the foam scrub the sand.

This is my prayer...

to hear the song of the sea

to see the windblown palms

to smell the rain on the wind

to feel the wind and sun on my skin.

This is my prayer...

watching the scented smoke curl up to heaven

breathing in the ancient sacred fragrances, frankincense and myrrh

blowing on the coals

watching the sparks fly

feeling the heat from the glowing coals.

This is my prayer...

tasting the sea

touching the sand

smelling the flowers

savoring the fruit.

This is my prayer...

speaking the ancient words of scripture

praying the words

hearing the words

sharing the words

wrestling and being wrestled by the words

and the Word in the words.

This is my prayer...

walking

swimming

sitting

seeing

touching

tasting

listening

reading

writing

preaching

praying

being.

Here.

Holy Smoke

When Words Are Not Enough
I kindle my fire
ignite my coals 
and watch the sparks fly heavenwards


I pile the pebbles of frankincense
overlaid with grains of myrrh

The first puff
spirals up and out
I inhale
exhale


My prayer sits before me
praying with me
praying for me
praying through me


The smoke has its own vocabulary
the scent its own grammar


Together we pray

Powerless and Prayerful

The world is spinning maddeningly, dizzyingly off-kilter. Georgia is preparing to execute Troy Davis, a man widely believed to be innocent. Georgia has the legal right to do so because all of the legal formalities have been observed so far and the Supreme Court has never ruled that it is a violation of human or civil rights to execute an innocent person - as long as they have had due process that meets the legal definition. The gulf between legal and moral has never been wider or seemingly more impassable. The state has the legal right, power and authority to kill and seems hell bent on doing so. People are protesting and preying, writing letters, faxes and emails and making phone calls. It remains to be seen whether this will make a difference in Troy's life or in our own.

And frustrated by decades of occupation and failed and floundering peace talks, the Palestinians are ready to appeal to the United Nations to recognize them as a sovereign state. If the UN does so, Israel will immediately be (more) guilty of occupying a sovereign state as opposed to a (merely) disputed territory - as they now justify their presence in the West Bank, East Jerusalem and Gaza under international law. Israel has been exerting pressure on nations to oppose the bid for statehood, most of all the United States which has veto power. President Obama has said that he will veto the Palestinian appeal because the statehood issue needs to be worked out between Israel and Palestine in the peace process. This is the most disingenuous thing I have ever heard him say. The peace process is broken. Israel continues to flout it by building and protecting settlements inside of the Palestinian Territories. Israel has unilaterally rejected the internationally approved boundaries by building a wall on Palestinian land shaping new boundaries in their favor. What peace process? What other options do the Palestinians have? Politically, supporting Israel is more beneficial than sporting the Palestinians. But is is not the right thing to do. The US needs to use its influence with Israel - our money, the billions of dollars we send them every year while we are in a depression (if you're black, brown and poor) - and pressure Israel back to the table for meaningful negotiations and real compromise.

Both of these situations leave me feeling absolutely powerless. And so I pray. I hope. I believe.
I pray that even if my prayers are not answered I will still believe in the power of prayer.

Learning to Pray All Over Again

I am living in community in arguably the holiest city on earth and I am thinking about prayer. Every time the adhan, the call to prayer, at one of the neighboring mosques rings out, I think, I should pray the Offices every time salat is prayed. Yet I somehow lack the discipline or something. Those of you who know me in my everyday identity may well be scratching your heads. I didn't get all of these degrees or publish all this work without discipline. There must be something else at work here.
I have been journeying in prayer with a wonderful spiritual director this year. Unfortunately she doesn't travel with me. She has blessed me to see my own practice of prayer as longstanding. To name it and nurture it. I'm an all-day, in everything, praying person. I meditate and contemplate while I walk. I like to pray in my own words, thoughts, and images when I'm alone. I love the liturgies of the church when I'm in communion. I have a scripture-mantra that I breathe when I formally meditate.
Yet part of me thinks I should be doing something special - more special.
I have asked Jesus to teach me how to pray.
Now I just have to accept that my prayer practices are his answer and God's good gift to me, and know that there's a reason God did not call me to a monastic community.

Dear God

Dear God,
Help me to rejoice with those who rejoice. 
Even when I am weeping on the inside.
Amen.

Unanswered Prayer

I wrestle groan and seek.
I do not understand that I do not hear.
I see no evidence of having been heard.
I persist in what well may be a one-sided conversation.
Am I to deduce an answer from silence?
Is it no, never or not now?
I continue to ask, seek, hope...

Fragrant Prayer

Rivers of smoke wafting heavenwards

more than bear my prayer in visible form;

are prayer, my prayer, prayer for me.

When I cannot, know not, what or how to pray

holy scents cross from earth to heaven.

Clearing, calming, soothing,

fragrant prayer.

Unanswered Prayers

There are so many unanswered prayers in the world.
I hesitate to add mine to them.
Do I have the right to ask for what I want
when so many do not have what they need?

A Quranic Prayer

In the name of God, the Compassionate, the Merciful.

All praise belongs to God, Sovereign of all worlds,

the Compassionate, the Merciful, Ruler of Judgment Day.

It is You that we worship, and to You we appeal for help.

Show us the straight way, the way of those You have graced...

Al Fatihah 1:1-6

Mother of God, Hear Our Prayer

The Ever-Blessed Virgin Mary is a shining light that illumines my faith. Her communion brings me comfort and grace.

Mirror of justice, pray for us. Seat of wisdom, pray for us.

Cause of our joy, pray for us. Mystical rose, pray for us.

Tower of David, pray for us. Tower of ivory, pray for us.

Gate of heaven, pray for us. Morning star, pray for us.

Because sometimes, I can't even pray for myself.

A Faithful God

A simple, prayer; a simple creed:

Blessed are you, O God, our Sovereign, Ruler of the Universe, 

who remembers your covenant, 
is faithful to your covenant, and keeps your promise.

Of course, the ways in which God chooses to keep God's promises are frequently inexplicable and unfathomable.

A Jain Prayer

A worthy prayer. A worthy practice.

We forgive all living beings,

We are friendly towards all living beings,

We seek enmity with none, 

We ask forgiveness from all.

 

So may it be.

Gayatri Mantra, A Hindu Prayer

This is a season of prayer for me. Sometimes there are no words. When I can, I pray in the words of my heart, in the words of my ancestors and in the words of praying peoples around the earth.

 O God, you are the giver of life, the remover of pain and sorrow, 

the bestower of happiness. 

O Creator of the universe, may we receive your supreme, sin-destroying light; 

may you guide us in the right direction.

  O God, you are the giver of life, the remover of pain and sorrow, 

the bestower of happiness. 

 

May we remember Who is our God.

I Shall Not Want

The One God shepherds me, I shall not want.

But I do want.
And for the life of me, I can't figure out if I'm supposed to.
I am so grateful for all I have. But I am not content.
I want more. Not more stuff.
One more prayer. One more hope. One more dream. One more longing.
One more heart's desire. One more whispered wish.
I wrestle with the theology that says if I don't have it I don't need it. Or that I have what I need in myself. I would certainly be happier if I didn't want anything outside myself. But I don't know how not to want.

We Pray for the Dead by Magnifying God's Name

 The Jewish prayer for the dead is a prayer that responds to grief by sanctifying the name of God, even in the midst of terrible grief. I like this prayer for people of all faiths (and none) because when I don't know wht to say, I can just call and bless God's Name.
In the case of violent death, Rabbi Arthur Waskow teaches that the prayer comforts God in God's grief that part of the Divine image has killed another part of the divine image.

For Christina Greene, Dorthy Murray, John Rolls, Phyllis Scheck, Dorwin Stoddard and Gabriel Zimmerman:

Yit'gadal v'yit'kadash sh'mei raba - Amein -
b'al'ma di v'ra khir'utei.
V'yam'likh mal'khutei b'chayeikhon uv'yomeikhon
uv'chayei d'khol beit yis'ra'eil
ba'agala uviz'man kariv v'im'ru: Amein.
Y'hei sh'mei raba m'varakh l'alam ul'al'mei al'maya.
Yit'barakh v'yish'tabach v'yit'pa'ar v'yit'romam v'yit'nasei
v'yit'hadar v'yit'aleh v'yit'halal sh'mei d'kud'sha.
B'rikh hu.
L'eila min kol bir'khata v'shirata
toosh'b'chatah v'nechematah, da'ameeran b'al'mah, v'eemru: Amein. 
Y'hei sh'lama raba min sh'maya
v'chayim aleinu v'al kol yis'ra'eil v'im'ru: Amein.
Oseh shalom bim'romav hu ya'aseh shalom
aleinu v'al kol Yis'ra'eil v'al kol yoshvey tevel, v'im'ru: Amein. 

May God's great Name be exalted and sanctified - Amen -

in the world that God created as God willed.

May God give reign to God's rule in your lifetimes and in your days,

and in the lifetimes of the entire family of Israel,

swiftly and soon. Let us say: Amen.

May God's great Name be blessed forever and ever.

Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled,

mighty, upraised, and lauded be the Name of the Holy One.

Blessed is God.

Beyond any blessing and song,

praise and consolation that are uttered in the world. Let us say: Amen.

May there be abundant peace from Heaven

and life upon us and upon all Israel. Let us say: Amen.

May the One who makes peace in the heights, make peace,

upon us and upon all Israel and upon all who dwell on the earth. Let us say: Amen.

MiSheberakh (Blessing) and Refuah Shleima (Healing) for Gabrielle Giffords

Mi-sheberakh avoteinu v’imoteinu, Avraham v’Sarah, Yitzhak v’Rivkah, Ya’akov, Rachel v’Leah hu y’varekh et Gavrielle Giffords v'kol nikah immanah v’yavi aleihem refuat hanefesh u’refuat haguf yachad im kol cholei amo Yisrael. Barukh atah HaShekinah, rofeh ha’cholim.
May the One who was a source of blessing for our ancestors, Sarah and Abraham, Rebekah and Isaac, Rachel, Leah and Jacob bring blessings of healing upon Gabrielle Giffords and all struck with her, a healing of body and a healing of spirit. May those in whose care they are entrusted be gifted with wisdom and skill, and those who surround them be gifted with love and trust, openness and support in their care. And may they be healed along with all those who are in need. Blessed are You, Eternal Presence, Source of healing.

On her behalf and behalf of all of the injured I offer the prayer for healing offered for the Prophet Miryam:

אל נא רפא נא לה

Hear Holy One, hear and heal her.

(Congresswoman Giffords worships at Congregation Chaverim, a Reform Synagogue in Tuscon AZ.)

A New Year's Renewal

I don't believe in resolutions. It seems that they are designed or destined to fail. But I do believe in reflection, transformation and intentionality. As this new (civil) year opens I am aware of who, what and where I am and who, what and where I would like to be.

My intentions for this year are in the form of prayer:
May this be a year of prayerful reflection and introspection.
May this be a year of good health, nutrition, exercise and medical care.
May this be a year of modest improvement in organizing and filing.
May this be a year of creative, imaginative and passionate writing that connects with others.
May this be a year of rest, peace and well-being.
May this be a year of renewal of mind, body, soul and relationship.
May it be so. כן יהי רצן. May it be God's will.
Amen.

The God of Elizabeth Edwards

Mary Elizabeth Anania Edwards

3 July 1949 ~ 7 December 2010

"I have, I think, somewhat of an odd version of God, I do not have an intervening God. I don't think I can pray to him -- or her -- to cure me of cancer."

"The God I wanted was going to intervene. He was going to turn time back. The God I wanted was -- I was going to pray for good health and he was going to give it to me... Why in this complicated world, with so much grief and pain around us throughout the world, I could still believe that, I don't know. But I did. And then I realized that the God that I have was going to promise me salvation if I lived in the right way and he was going to promise me understanding. That's what I'm sort of asking for . . . let me understand why I was tested."

I know the God of Elizabeth Edwards. But I confess that I hope for, long for, a God who answers prayer. Sometimes. Unpredictably. And there are times when I experience that God. And it is enough.

God-Wrestling: Bruised and Blessed

I will not let you go until you bless me!

Bless me dammit!

As we grapple, my breath quickens with exertion - 

I cannot, will not let go, let you go.

I will never have another chance like this.

I don't know if I really know who you are.

Tell me who you are!

But if you are who I think you are - if it's possible -

then I won't let go; I can't let go.

You might kill me.

I'll take that chance.

I need what only you can give, 
what I believe you can give.

I do believe.

I am wrestling with my own faith and the object of my faith and devotion.

And I will not let go.

You are crushing me, breaking me, tearing me - 

but I will not let go.

What is that I hear over my ragged breaths?

Did I hear those words? 
Did I imagine them?

Time will tell.

I will never forget this place, 
the place where God broke me.
I will carry these scars forever.