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18 November 2010

Guest Post by Charlie Brown

I know I'm a joke.
Why don't I just give up?
Lucy is never going to let me kick that football.
I can't explain why I want it so much. Why I need it so much.
I just do.
I'm not unreasonable in my expectations.
I don't imagine that I will kick a game-winning field goal or even that I'll score.
I don't imagine that the crowd will chant my name or that the team will carry me off the field on their shoulders.
I don't imagine that the coach or my parents will be proud of me or that people will suddenly respect me.
I just want to try.
I just want to see what will happen.
If I fall and fail I want it to be because I fell and failed. On my own.
Not because you set me up to fall and fail. Again.
Or because I trusted you. Again.
And I keep trusting you. I keep falling for you. And I keep falling.
I keep getting back up because each time I believe this could be the time.
I'm not an optimist.
I'm a fool.
A desperate fool.
I just want a chance. An honest chance.
But Lucy will never give me one. She will never change. She will never be worthy of my trust.
I will always be the butt of her joke. People will always laugh at me.
But this time, she promises it will be different.
I have to trust her again, against all evidence to the contrary.
She's the only one who's even ever pretended to give me a chance.
All I want is a chance to try, to fail on my own, or maybe, just maybe...

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