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12 April 2011

I'm Also Having an Affair

I didn't mean to, but I fell in love with my sabbatical parish. It's the same old story - the one I have at home doesn't treat me like the new one. The one at home takes me for granted; the passion is gone. And this new one is so good to me and makes me so very happy.
Here, I am reveling in my vocation: the teaching and preaching is a gift and a calling. It's working; I'm appreciated. My colleague and I work well together. I feel valued, wanted, welcome. All of which throws into sharp relief how used and taken for granted I feel at home sometimes.
Why can't it always be like this? Why can't it be like this with one to whom I'm committed? Why can't I stay here? Is this just the hormonal flush of new love? If it is, I don't care!
I know this love won't last forever. I know I'll have to go home eventually. I know I'll have to go back to that other relationship. I'm not looking forward to that.
So what happens after an affair? Do you go back to your old situation with your new knowledge of how it can be? Do you leave your old love for a (another) new love in hopes of having the kind of love you had in your affair?
I'm having an affair and I intend to savor every sweet moment until we have to say goodbye.

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