Writing Through...

I'm writing my next book. It's the one that I feel I was born to write. All of my teaching and preaching have come out of this unwritten book - or perhaps I write another page each time I teach or preach. Sometimes it feels to big. How can I get it all down in the time I have allotted? My sabbatical is ticking away!
As of today I have 26 pages of introduction, 99 pages of text, 9 pages of topics/subjects - I just got an idea, I'll list each subject as a cloud to shorten the table of contents, and a couple of pages of glossary. I am clearly no slacker. I have been at this full time since January plus three weeks last summer.
But it still feels like it is too big and much too much! I have never missed a publishing deadline, but this feels different. My last book was rather savagely edited by my dissertation editor so it was already vetted when I submitted it. I've written countless essays, articles and chapters - yet this feels different. I keep telling myself that this book is a collection of essays, articles and chapters. But I still feel overwhelmed at times.
The project is becoming something that I did not envision and I fear losing control. I like - I love - the project that I first envisioned. It has already gone through one major change which I received as refiner's fire. Is it - am I - flexible enough to endure more change? What if the book now writing itself is not the one I thought I was writing? (And not exactly the one I promised my publisher?)

This is my generative gift. I don't have children and will never give birth. This is the thing I bring forth from myself and see taking on a life of its own and it is frightening and exhilarating. This is no mere writer's block!